Ever come up with a witty comeback two days after the argument ended? We all have. Everyone has inarticulate moments. We are not alone!
But for some people, be it social anxiety, feeling overwhelmed with too many thoughts, or something else, it’s a common experience that makes even normal conversations difficult.
Brain fog and tip-of-the-tongue syndrome
This was a particular problem for me when I became ill with ME-CFS, which comes with the delightfully named ‘brain fog’ symptom: you lose short term memory and concentration; words slip away from you, or stay firmly on the tip of your tongue, rather than coming out of your mouth into the wild as you want them to.
It’s incredibly frustrating not to be able to speak your mind. I started being quieter in conversations. It was harder to break into the flow of other people speaking; the pace was too fast for me, and the effort to speak only to find myself barely able to string a sentence together was just too much effort, not to mention embarrassing.
Writing was easier: I could take several minutes to write an email, check it for mistakes, take my time trying to express what I wanted to say. I texted rather than rang, even wrote letters (on paper! I know. Too quaint.)
But ultimately, the world expects you to speak, and I became tired of staying quiet.
Two tips to help brain fog and expressing yourself
So I started doing two things:
1) taking omega three fish oil supplements (I’m not suggesting this for everybody, but they work surprisingly well for me — apparently they improve many aspects of cognition);
2) I took my time, and stopped worrying about how other people were going to react to what I had to say.
When I felt myself getting lost in my own sentence, I stopped, held up a hand to indicate I hadn’t finished, and thought about what the basic point I was trying to express was. Stripped of wit, clever vocabulary, and even courtesy, I made my point in words of one syllable. ‘I don’t want it.’ ‘I like this.’ ‘I don’t know.’
When I didn’t focus on what their hypothetical thoughts and feelings were as well as my own, and what everyone might think or feel next, surprisingly enough I had a bit more brain power to spend on actually getting the words out.
Make your words more powerful
And you know what? People find it hard to argue with simple statements about your own preferences. My words were more powerful, not less.
It turns out I don’t have to explain why I feel a certain way, or justify my opinion. I can just state it, and while people don’t agree with me all the time, it doesn’t actually matter: I don’t have to persuade them, and they don’t have to persuade me — my opinion is my own.
And at least I’m still part of the conversation.
17 seconds to speak
Did you know that the average person only listens for 17 seconds before interrupting? (Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages: the secret to love that lasts 2014). They’re grateful you’re keeping it short! And if you have more to say, that’s great — you have every right to that space!
But if you’re struggling to get out a single sentence, know that it doesn’t have to be brilliant or long-winded. It just has to express you.
Do leave a comment if you would like to. I’d love to hear from you! Word salad and all 😊
Images by inspireus and mohamed Hassan from Pixabay.
